Bloop

I thought about how stupid I am in class the other day. There was a heated debate going on in the Hillel room, as usual, and I--so stupidly--got involved. But this discussion/argument/sharing of ideas was not like most of the ones we have. This one had to do with religious ideology.
I hate getting into discussions about religious ideology because I think they’re pointless. I like discussions that arrive somewhere, but if I’m set in my ideals and you’re set in yours and we’re both not interested in budging, what the hell are we talking for? Which is what bothered me about yesterday’s discussion.
The thing that got to me wasn’t so much that the girl I was talking to and I had such different points but that we both arrived at our decisions differently. And try as I did, I could not respect her. So now I’m just sad, sorry, and stupid.
As often as I may pass judgments on people, I never hold them accountable to what I decided. This is why I’m never surprised by what people tell me about things they’ve done in their pasts or even things about themselves right now. If there’s one thing I like about myself, it’s this ability of mine.
But the other day I just found myself so frustrated. I hate selfishness. It bugs the heck out of me (I think I see it a lot because I’m a totally selfish person, but that’s another story altogether). So, when I was still in Hillel, I wondered, how do I tell this girl that I can’t even ask her to understand what I’m saying because the way she sees things is antithetical to my point. So this is me ranting while trying to be vague so that in case the girl sees this and knows it’s her I’m referring to she doesn’t feel hurt but I can’t be vague so I think I should just stop even though I think I missed even expressing my point.