Quote of the Month: July Winners!

The winner of July's Quote of the Month is...

DONI

for

On The Importance of Knowing the Proper Plural Form of Penis (which is penes)

"Yeah, like if you're in a gang bang with English teachers."

in Second Place is...

MIRYAM

for

Advice on What to Wear on a First Date

"You knock him out first and worry about it later."

Tied for Third Place are...

STEVE

for

Best Text Message I've Ever Gotten

"So I'm in the bathroom and the seat slides off and I fall into the bathtub. Meanwhile I'm singing 'My Heart Will Go On.'"

and

LOGAN

for

As Easy to Forgive as Natalie Portman Is, We All Have Our Limits

"She could probably slap me, like medium hard, and I'd forgive her right after it happened...but only if it was medium hard, if she really laid into me I'd be pretty TOd."

Honorable Mentions:

RANDY
You Know You've Reached the Limit When You Hear This

"I think you just broke the diphthong barrier."
and

CHAYA

for
A Sure Sign Someone's Been in the Yeshiva System for Too Long

"They are for sure having relations."
and

MARK

On Denial

"I'm so blinded by your coolness that I think you could never be a vegitarian so when you tell me you are, I dismiss it."

And of course, now for my favorite part.

I asked, "If you were stuck with no electricity for two days one summer, how would you get your daily intake of ice cream?"

Ian said... "Simple! Merely take a hike to the nearest dairy farm, on the way stopping off to get some ice from a deli with a generator. Upon arrival milk a cow into a jug. Allow the milk to settle and the cream to rise. Siphon it off and churn it into the ice vigorously (this step will take roughly half an hour). Add sugar, which will probably have to be stolen from the farmhouse, and any other flavors you can get your paws on (look hard, farmers keep lots of good ingredients in their houses). Then sit back, relax and enjoy your now melted delicacy!"

Mark said... "I'd eat dina. She eats so much ice cream on a regular basis that she has turned into 99% ice cream, so eating her is just like eating a klondike bar."

Is this Doni?... "I would go to the local walmart (if I were a hick) or shopright (if I were a classier hick) and buy ice and milk (unless I had just recently milked the cow...then it would only be ice). Then I would take out a summer cookbook and churn (is that the right word?) my own ice-cream. Of course I would have to get cookies (chocolate only) to crush and add to the ice cream :). To tell you the truth, I would really go to pathmark or 7-11, buy a carton everyday and eat the whole thing before it melts. Wasting ice-cream is like a crime or something."

Nukes said... "There's got to be a prayer for ice cream... "

There were more responses (duh), but I liked those best. And Steve, if yours were a tad less inappropriate, I woulda posted it too. :)