I Need More Than Sugar and Spice to Make a Real Baby

I am going to step out of my idealistic little bubble and into the real world. I used to be a believer that if the first "immaculate conception" happened in a Jewish woman's uterus, the Holy Ghost clearly favors Jewish women. And I, dear folks, just happen to be one.

But I know that's never going to happen, and if I am as serious about wanting to have a baby as I am, I need to get serious about finding someone to partner with for that baby to happen. (Surprisingly, my mother suggested that I find myself some sperm in a sperm bank or volunteer to carry a baby for a woman who can't. It's possible, of course, that her desire to have a grandchild is close to as insane as mine to have a child.) And so, I will embark on a mission to find myself not just someone with sperm strong enough to fertilize my eggs, but someone who will also help me sustain the children and provide a safe and normal home for them.

I'm looking for someone who carries genes for intelligence, height, and curly hair. I'll provide the genes for creativity, bossiness (good survival skill), and long eyelashes. The man I'm looking for also has to be respectful, considerate, complimentary, fun, easygoing but not too easygoing, hot, a good hiker, a noncomplainer, pushy (if I'm the only bossy one it doesn't work), and moral. But that last stuff's just so that he and I make a good parenting team.

With any luck, by the time Shabbos is over, I'll be sporting a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge belly and a husband at my side, and everyone who gives me "imyertzashembyyou"s will be saying, "beshaah tovah." And now, I will go back to dreaming...