Monday, November 21, 2005

A Date?

There I was in the kitchen preparing myself a Hot Shake (or Peanut Fudge Milk Blend Swazoo) when my mother mentions to me that someone wanted to set me up with someone else and that someone else said he knew of me because he knew of my blog. Which, I'm not sure. But one of them. Is this the first time this has happened? Nopes.

See, one time, a very, very long time ago, my mother told me that someone wanted to set me up with someone else and that someone else said, "oh, I googled her name and don't agree with her views on Israel. So no." (That was a summarization of what was said to me with about three people between him and me so I could be misquoting. :))
Um. Okay.
And because I would prefer if people don't judge my "views on Israel" until they discuss them with me, I will refrain from judging his action (particularly because I heard it through other people). But, y'know...

Anyway, fast forward to right now. I'm sitting on the floor of my room, computer on my lappish (can I use lappish for half lap? How else does one refer to the thigh when the knees are up so that your legs form an A without the little line in the middle?), drink to my right, and writing. What have I to write? A little letter. Here goes...

Dear Potential Dates,

If you're reading this, I will assume you can read. There, we're off to a good start. See how simple this is?

Hrm...I can't really think of anything to say, so I'll just stop there. Oh no, wait...
Actually, here's something important: it makes my mother a little nervous that you guys can read my blogs and such. Perhaps it's because she doesn't really go for the things I write. Perhaps it makes her uneasy because she doesn't know what you think of what I write. So let's make a deal, if you read this, leave a message. By the way, that goes for all of you who Google my name and find my blog that way, too. I know who you are person in California and person in Chicago! Well, okay that's a lie...I don't know who you are. But I know that you Googled my name because you clicked onto my blog and I have something very glorious called, dum da dum, a sitemeter!
Well, have a good day,
Okay, I think that's all I have to say for the moment. But maybe one day I'll make an addendum...write about my preferred kind of first date and such. Until then, I'll just keep the personal things to myself. :)

5 original thoughts out there

Anonymous Mel Stewart said...

Dear Potential Date:

i have read your letter and first let me say that i am disappointed with the selection of escorts here at Doni's... esp. that nerdy kid with the glasses (i didn't know you service gay women too).

I would prefer if you would refrain from using polysalabic words from now on because i am no too well with reading.

Also, the only reason i checked out your site is because you were part of Elders magazine (read: secret memo) "top 50 single hott hebrew honies." Natalie Portman was the cover this year. It is ok that you don't want me... i have met a nice shiksa.

laliala tov!
nice jewish boy

Monday, November 21, 2005 11:18:00 AM  
Anonymous nice jewish boy said...

i am sorry about the gay woman comment.

Monday, November 21, 2005 11:21:00 AM  
Anonymous mel stewart said...

Dear suitor, or is it suited,

I was so wrong. You were always the right girl for me. I mean, the shiksa left, but as she was draining the bank account i knew that you were the one.

I was first attracted to you because of your QOTD, but it was the picture of crock-pots, endless baby talk, and as randy told me... du groSSes... um... endownments that won me over.

please post your home phone number so i can ask your mom to set us up on a seddeuch (sp) ASAP.

nice jewish boy

ps i am at work and obviously very very bored.

Monday, November 21, 2005 2:12:00 PM  
Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

Mel Stewart,

I love you and your beard. But particularly your beard. Do you happen to have a friend whose last name is like Macaroni so that you can set me up with him? And can we recruit him to grow a beard, too?

Dina know you're really tired when they make you type a new verification eight times and it actually takes that long for you to figure out they keep asking because you never put in your blogger password...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 7:45:00 AM  
Anonymous mel stewart said...

leibe Dina Stewart (meine frau),

thanks for your reply, i can clearly see that you are interested in dating me now. I warn you... i only date girls who show elbow on the first date. How 'bout friday night you cook me some challah and chulent, and i will sit back and drink wine.

I do have a friend with a last name macaroni, or something like that, but he is half goy, which is oy (3/2 the letters, roundig up). He ist ein actor, lives in LA, and if he grew a beard he would have even less work.

your bashert,
nice jewish mel

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 10:24:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Powered by Blogger Listed on BlogShares