Exercise in Writing One: The Free Write: Gubernatorial Edition.

Gubernatorial [goo-ber-nuh-tawr-ee-uhl, -tohr-, gyoo-]
If I could marry the word gubernatorial I would. I just love it that much. Unfortunately, I hear that words don't make very good husbands, so I am forced to look elsewhere. Plus, I'm drugged with tiredness right now but I am too tired to go upstairs and go to sleep. My computer committed suicide and even though I tried intervening (that was when I got virus protection) and resuscitating it (that was when I turned it on safe mode and ran a virus scan), it is no longer with us. If it's a joke and it didn't really die but it's playing dead, it's probably because I took the cover I made three years ago off. The tape was looking old and nasty. And so today we had an assignment due for my writing class. The assignment was to hand in five pages of a preliminary draft for our memoir assignment. Five pages of anything--free write, an intro, different ideas, really anything--that we would then read to our individual groups and hear feedback. Someone in my group thought I had a very strong voice, but he wasn't interested in the first idea I chose. The one about how the first time I failed a test was in Morah Devorah's third grade class when I got a 30 on a quiz in Ivrit. And moreover, he said that if he weren't required to read it for school, he wouldn't read it. Thank you, I know my writing style kinda halted and slowed and is gradually disintegrating into something so threadbare that it can't hold the attention of its intended audience. Maybe I sent my writing into overkill and it doesn't interest me anymore. Or maybe I really do hold back too much when I write. I don't really know how to turn the editor part off when I'm writing. My teacher had us read a part of a book on writing and it said that we should just free write and then go back later and edit because editors kill creativity. But I raised my hand and said, "oh how interesting because really, I find that my editor is better in the creative moment when I know what it is I want to be saying so I can read back what I wrote and see if that's what I wanted or how I can redo it to make it sound how it should. Y'know, I read a paragraph seven times or so before going on." "SEVEN TIMES? That seems a little much." Chuckle. Thank you teacher, but I have an obsessive personality, I guess, and that's my style of writing. Word. Read. Sentence. Fix grammar. Word. Take out previous word. Paragraph. Need to start over. That's how it goes. Except for on here because I don't have the patience to edit so much. That's why I started editing before I even write. Which is funny because when I thought about the assignment I had, I thought, "oh there's this scene where I'm sitting in front of my mirror and thinking up hints about how I shout "MA!" and my mother will say, "what?" and then when someone says, "who?" I say, "me." So mah means what and mi means who and then I went "MAH!" "WHAT?" "MI!" "WHO?" "EIPHO!" "WHERE?" and I put that all down in the story in a more comprehensive way but the way it was in my mind just like that. And he said that that was his favorite part because I sounded like a real writer or something. The part that was edited in my mind before even being put down onto the paper. Even now, I wrote out goobernahtour-e-uhl because the word makes my mouth feel happy and I had to say it a few times and then I figured that I should try to free write without editing. Even now with no editing, I reread what I wrote three times. I didn't edit. But I read it over and over. My essays usually get thinner near the end because I've so killed the beginning with my compulsive reading, cutting, changing, fixing habits that all I want to do is hand them in and not look at them again. Good night.