Thursday, June 28, 2007

Summertime is for Lunch at the Park

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

It Could Also Be Related to Banging My Head too Hard on the Floor

Remember when I went to the dentist months ago and told them that I felt like my jaw hurt sometimes when I ate and they listened for clicks and heard none and told me it was nothing? My headaches and I do. I took them back to the dentist today and told him, "I don't know if it's my gums or my jaw, but there's something going on inside my mouth and it's been causing me headaches every morning." I went despite people saying, "well, if it starts in the morning you're obviously under stress from work and it's tension headaches." And guess what--just guess! My mouth works in just the opposite way a normal mouth should. So when I move my jaw forward or to the side and my front teeth should be taking over, they don't. All the stresses of running my mouth fall onto my back teeth and they haven't been too happy about that lately. All I know is that if this thing the dentist gave me doesn't help I'm going to prescribe myself bed and stop functioning. Also, in unrelated mouth news, I got a double chin today. I am the only person magical enough to get a double chin after losing weight that she didn't try losing.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

[see other side] OVER

I just solved two mysteries with one realization.
Mystery number one is why my brother gave me a funny look when I told him the puzzle was more simple than he was making it because it's a Monday puzzle.
Mystery number two is why the answers to that last puzzle I did is in the corner of a Monday puzzle when I so never do Sunday's puzzle.
Today isn't Monday. And here I just came to that conclusion.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

What's a Polish Wax?

When everyone but me had their poems back, I asked my professor where mine was.
"Did you hand it in?"
"Yeah, I'm sure I did," I said.
"How did it go?"
Confused, I asked if she was referring to the memory poem.
"Yeah, how did it go?"
"Um...well, I guess."
And with that I was right back in 5th grade English class. After completing a vocabulary test, I put it down on Mrs. Berger's desk.
"How did you find it?" she asked.
"How did you find it?"
"Um, what do you mean?"
"H-o-w d-i-d y-o-u f-i-n-d i-t?"
Pretty sure that she had put it on my desk when I was sitting there, I wondered how her memory could be so bad. I offered the simplest answer.
"Well, you gave it to me."
"Yes, but how did you find it?"
Distressed that I didn't know the answer to this riddle of a question, I more or less just said, "you gave it to me" again and ran for the door.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Ice Cream Soup

So get this--I don't do poetry. But I'm taking this poetry course hoping that I'll break out of that and find a hidden ability buried deep in my writing skills. No such luck so far, but I did write this for class and I like it. Have a great Shabbos.

late afternoon
on a breezy May day
mommy and me
the house to ourselves
at my feet--my open knapsack
leftover potato chip crumbs
oiling the bottom
shiny tile floor
and light wallpaper
this is my white and pink house
my 932 East 28th Street
between I and J
this is my mother,
her funny round belly
surrounding my new baby.
we sit at the kitchen table
mommy and me
she smiles
I smile back
between spoonfuls of cookies 'n cream
she asks, "How was your day?
What did you learn?"
and takes a sip
of her afternoon coffee
I say, "Blah, blah, blah"
and take another gulp
of what is fast becoming
ice cream soup
my mother tightens her lips,
opens her eyes,
moves her face in close--
and like a small animal sensing a stampede,
I know a tickle attack is coming.
closing my eyes and squirming in my seat
I laugh before her wiggling fingers get to me
this is my mommy and me
this is a cookie bit
in my vanilla cream life.

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

And Preferably Smart and Tall

For the record, I spent the morning taming a cranky baby. Which makes me this much closer to being prepared for motherhood. It would have been even more realistic if I had had a screaming three year-old tugging on my skirt for noodles with cheese right that very second, but I'll take what I can get. So all ye boys with red and/or curly hair genes, please make yourselves known.


Sunday, June 03, 2007


There is a crazy turkey walking around my backyard. When the groundhog/woodchuck/whistlepig walked past her, she suddenly stood straight and spread her wings. Then the groundhog continued on its way, going under the fence and into the woods and she went back to eating what ever it was she found in the grass. When she went to the birdfeeder and scared the birds away, I slammed the door a few times to get her to run away and she ignored me. Ignored me!
Over Shabbos, my parents and I spent at least an hour staring out the door at the action around the bird feeder. It's like nature's office water cooler.
Extra credit to whomever can tell me what this is from: "Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?"

*The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood. It stems from an Algonquian name for the animal, wuchak.

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Friday, June 01, 2007

Talk With Your Ears.

This morning, I met a dog and its owner. The dog raised its tail to me and sat at its owner's feet. Then the woman said, "oh look--you have a friend! Talk with your ears." It was a pretty dog, but very dirty. Don't you have to take extra care when you have a white dog to keep its fur beautiful? Plus, the shirt she had on it was stained--pink (I hope the dog was female, but you never know nowadays) with stain marks. Otherwise I might have tried to pet it. Just to clarify, I had nothing else to do since the woman was getting food at my coffee/bagel place and there's only room enough for one customer in the store at a time. Which reminds me that I haven't seen Zoe (a dog I've known since her birth a few months ago) in over a month. Shabbat Shalom.

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