Monday, April 30, 2007

This Day is Bananas! B A N A N A S!

I have so much to say recently that my writing abilities shut down. Oddly, I started this so that even when I'd have too much to get down I'd be able to. So I'm going to free-write rant this one. Without going into detail, someone I know got suspended from school for a day for hurting another kid in his class' feelings. In addition to that, the kid with the hurt feelings punched another kid and gave him a bloody nose, but he wasn't even asked to apologize. Which is what the kid who hurt his feelings should have been asked to do instead of being suspended. Sounds ridiculous enough to not believe, doesn't it? But it is true. And I've been obsessed with this story since it happened because if the suspended kid wouldn't have parents as great as he has, I'd be giving him a few years before he learns how to add up the hypocrisies and goes "off the derech" as they say. What does it take to get qualified educators to run yeshivot? In addition to that, now the kid who punched the other kid knows that if anything happens to him, all he has to do is run to the Principal's office and tattle and the kid who hurt him will get into big, fat trouble. And no one likes a tattle-tale, so he'll be even less tolerable to his classmates than he was beforehand. Basically, this solution solved nothing at all and aggravated more than it should have. Speaking of tattlers, there's a certain unspoken alliance peers have and once someone goes to an authority figure and tells, they lose the respect and trust of the others. Which happened to me once and I'm still not really fully able to trust the girl who did it. Weird how trust works. Saturday night at about 3:30am, two cars crashed on my cousin's corner. We opened her roommate's window (I was using her roommate's bed) as far as we could and leaned out to see what had happened. There had been at least two people in each car and they were all shouting at each other. We felt bad for them and discussed calling the cops (they were seriously loud) but decided it wasn't necessary unless they started fighting and Zahava started to get off the bed but toppled down and fell off the bed on the side where her roommate keeps a stack of containers with hair accessories and such and it was hilarious, but she got very hurt. We sat on her bed with ice on her bump talking about the weekend when we heard, "Your ankle hurts? HURTS? YOU WALKED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE WITH IT HURTING? I WORK IN THE HOSPITAL AND I..."

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I Usually Put All Three in a Blender and Call It a Meal

I went to the dentist yesterday and the hygienist told me she was starting to see stains on my teeth, something she hasn't seen before on my teeth. When I explained that my diet consists mainly of chocolate, coffee, and peanut butter, she looked at me like I was weird and asked if I eat a lot of those foods. I said, "lots and lots."

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Like She's All Powerful

Recently, someone I know asked me why I'm not married yet. He asks me this often, so I decided I'd skip the usual answer and be honest. I told him it's because I had seen my soulmate the night before but couldn't work up the nerve to go over and talk to him. When he asked why I hadn't, I told him I didn't know. But I'm pretty sure it had to do with me being tired because it was late and sober because I was only drinking soda.
"Why didn't he come over to me? I guess I was thinking maybe he wasn't interested in me."
"Y'know how you can tell if a guy is interested in you?"
"If you catch him trying to glance in your direction. Because then you know he keeps wanting to look at you but he doesn't want you to know that he wants to look at you."
"I think he saw me."
He then advised me that I should have walked past the guy.
I told him I did.
"Oh, well then I don't know."
"I should have gone over."
"No. Because if a girl walked up to me I'd be scared of her like she's all powerful and stuff."
"Yeah," I said, "but I'm not thirteen." Then I asked him for more M&Ms and he continued telling me about how his shabbos was.


Friday, April 20, 2007

It Goes, "Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep"

I have a stop watch/timer/compass that I purchased for hiking purposes. There's just one problem--the alarm started going off regularly Wednesday night. At first, it had me getting out of bed every five minutes from 1 to 2 am to stop it. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off for good so it kept beeping again and again. Eventually it either stopped or I learned to ignore it. The next day it started again around 10 am and kept going off every ten minutes for another hour or until I left the house. It was quiet since until I pulled my sneaker out of my gym bag and without thinking threw it onto the floor. Unfortunately, it landed itself right on top of the stop watch/timer/compass and the alarm went off. I shut it and ten minutes later, it went off again. Ten minutes after that, it went off again and I walked out of my room. With Shabbos starting shortly, I'm pretty sure I'm doomed.
Shabbat shalom!


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

But I File My Nails Daily for Extra Credit.

I sat down on the bench and put my books on top of the piano.
"Okay. Did you do your scales?"
I don't have a lot of patience, so I spent my piano time doing finger exercises, not finger exercises and scales. But I didn't want to tell my teacher that.
"Which did I have you do?"
The moral, of course, is do your homework so your piano teacher won't think you're an idiot.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Blur Blur Blur

I thought the conversation I had with the guy at the tire place was interesting. It went like this.
"Wow, does that say 100,000 miles???"
"Uh, yeah."
"100,000 miles. That's crazy. A car this age should have an average of 32,000 miles."
"Oh, wow."
"Where do you take this thing? Is it mostly local driving?"
"Lots of commuting."
Then I went to the gym and pretty much ruined someone's day with my awkwardness. After putting some weights back on the rack, I was walking along the mirrors when I noticed some guy was talking to me. I turned my music off.
"Blur blur blur reserves blur blur?"
"What, sorry?"
"Blur blur blur reserves?"
I took one of my earphones out. "Sorry?"
"Are you a reserves?"
"Am I what?"
"The Israeli Army, are blur blur reserves?"
Smile. "What? I'm sorry, what?"
"Your shirt. Are you a reserves?"
I looked down at my IDF tee-shirt.
"Oh, no, haha. Just a fan."
"Did you get the shirt blur blur?"
"Did I--what was that?"
"The shirt. Did you just blur blur the army blur get it?"
"Um, what?"
"Did you have to get that in Israel?"
"Yup. I got it in Israel."
"So you just went to blur blur get it blur?"
At that point, I just gave up.
"Yups!" I said, smiled, and walked away.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

It's My Luck

Over the second days of yuntif, I beat my brothers at two games of War in under 20 minutes each, walked about 3,300 steps (I counted) to visit a friend where I lost Rack-O and Uno to his brother and Go To The Head of the Class to him, won one game of Scrabble and lost three to my mother, beat my brother at ASAP, and said to one of my brothers, "stop, I don't want salt on my arm." I started boycotting matzah on Sunday and will not eat it again until next Pesach when I'm forced to at the sedarim.


Friday, April 06, 2007

Oh well, Mrybelle

It was two minutes to the new episode of The Offive an I spille my soa across the kitchen table. I leaned it up and with 0one minute left, put my salad and soda down on the computer table and ased my brother to let me have the oputer. While getting up, he managed to knocked over the cup--aain--this time all over the keyboard. We performed major surgery with paper towels and compressed air blowers that are meant to help et rid of dust, but the keyboard was determined to give up. And so it is with reret and sadness that I tell you the eyboard's half dead. On another note, remember that time I broe the eyboard with iced tea and at first only half the letters wored but then the ones that did only produced a ddddddddddddddddddjujujujujuj every time I pressed down on one key or a koooooolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll when I pressed another? Then even those stopped. Ah, such delicate keyboards.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

I Happen to Like the Thin, Burnt Kind

I stood in the fish supplies aisle trying to find the food that doesn't have any wheat in it. After having finally found it, I turned around to find myself face to face with a store worker.
"Excuse me, are you looking for food you can use on the holiday?"
And the cleaners know what a kittle is.

Have a chag kasher v'sameach!

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