Wednesday, November 30, 2005

What the Marklar Is This?

Anyone else see this? I'm terribly confused as to how someone got into my blogger account to change the formatting and how, if they did, they had the nerve to make it so ugly.

I Saw the Love of My Life

Walking down Third Ave. on my way to Starbuck's, I saw the love of my life. It was brown leather with embroidery, sequins, and a fur trim around the bottom, sleeves, and hood. As someone with a coat obsession, I do have to admit that I always notice coats. But this one--this one was different.

I stopped into the store and went straight to where I saw the coats hanging. There was one a size too big and one a size too small.
"Excuse me, do you have my size in the back?" I asked the woman working there.
"'re a __, that's the one in the window. Would you like me to get it?"
I figured it was worth a shot trying the smaller one on first.

The attendant took the coat off the hanger and held it open for me to slip my arms into. I eased the tiger-tooth shaped buttons into the loops, tied the belt in the front, and turned to see my reflection in the mirror. Not only was this the most stunning coat ever, it fit me better than any coat had before it. Its status went from love of my life to soulmate. Sigh...

QOTD: H2O Edition

I Needed to Brew Coffee
"So why don't you take water from my two gallon jug?"

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I Like Daily Show

Five people demanding that I have something new up by tomorrow morning. Three started posts saved to Draft. One brain under occupation by writer's block.

Flip things. Try the Wonder Kvetch* approach.

"Shoot me a random topic," I said to a friend. "5...4...3...2...1...GO!"
"I like Daily Show."

Okay. "I like Daily Show." I think I have something.

I Like Daily Show
by Dina
There are many times when the article "the" is substituted where there is none as protocol. Take, for example, "The Bronx." No one calls The Bronx "Bronx." That's just not its name. It's The Bronx and that's that.
Other times, "the" is actually officially present, but oftentimes left off. The phrase, "The Happy Sneaker" is a perfect example of this. Many people will refer to The Happy Sneaker as just Happy Sneaker. Why this is when the "the" is clearly official, I have yet to find out, but it remains the case.
I bring this up, because tonight my friend did something that is not often seen. He left out an official "the" (yes, I checked it up on the Comedy Central site to make certain) in a spot where most people would insert a "the" even if it isn't its place. How often will someone say, "I like the Mets," or "I like the color purple" in place of "I like Mets," and "I like color purple?" Often, I can tell you that without research because I'm just psychic like that. But my friend did nothing of the sort. Instead of saying, "I like The Daily Show," which is the correct way to say it, he said, "I like Daily Show." And for that we thank him for this post (of nonsense).
*Wonder Kvetch is my superhero alias. My superpower? The ability to make conversation about absolutely anything.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Moshiach Sent Me an E-Mail

And the award for most random e-mail I've ever received goes to Moshiak!

[Please be aware that the following is not an endorsement.]

Date: Sat, 26 Nov 2005 06:08:05 -0500
From: moshiak @
To: onceuponavanillalatte @
Subject: I am the Moshiach.

I am the Moshiach. My website is


Thank you, Moshiak. Thank you for the moment you gave me when I just sat staring at my computer in confusion, then amusement, then, well, confusion. :) It was awesome.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

On White

I heard my mother knocking on my bedroom door.
"Dina...Dina, did you want to wake up?"
"Yes." I said. Apparently my mouth wakes up before my mind.
"Because I heard your alarm go off earlier."
9:33. I had set it for 9:00. Stupid optimist.
"Um, I'll sleep until 9:45."
I ended up getting out of bed somewhere around the ten to ten area.

I walked dazedly to get my bathrobe and while doing so, turned around in my room until I was facing the window. And out of the window--at the snow on the ground.

The truth is, I think scientifically the snow would be categorized as "flurries that just didn't melt." But you know what? I don't care. There's whiteness and the whiteness is on the very hard and very bare earth. And that's enough for me.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

QOTD: Torah Edition

So Now He Has No Incentive to Study the Torah, THANKS!
"Well, I'm going to ruin the end for you: Moses dies!"

The Happy Sneaker

Here:Aren't they great? :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

QOTD: Taking Over the World Edition

I'm Very Discreet...But I will Haunt Your Dreams
"I woke up this morning thinking I overslept and the first thing that popped into my head wasn't 'oh bleep I missed work,' but 'oh bleep, I was supposed to make Dina a t-shirt!'"

So This Morning, When I Lost My Mind...

My Morning
Told in Three Episodes

Episode the First: The Shower
I put conditioner into my hand while looking across the bathroom (our shower “curtains” are glass doors) at the face-wash near the sink. I started thinking about face-washes and put the conditioner directly onto my face as though it was face-wash. But I realized right away what I had done and washed it off.
I got out of the shower and noticed that I forgot to bring a towel into the bathroom with me and had to put my robe on still dripping.

Episode the Second: The Sleep
This made me think, “ mind is clearly elsewhere. I need to go back to sleep and skip my first class because driving in this state of mind in this weather is a bad, very bad, idea.”
Then I was dreaming... This someone called and her named showed up as That Jewish Girl (or something Jewish Girl) and I didn’t want to take the click but for some reason it just went through and she said, “I see that you don’t really like when people use JAP” and I said, “emhm.”
“Anyway, Helen Chin and I were noticing that we’re mentioned a lot at the beginning of the blog, and I was wondering if my name is there.”
“What’s your name?”
“What’s your name?”
“What’s your name?”
“If you don’t tell me more clearly, I won’t be able to change it…”
There was definitely more to the dream because I woke up with a headache.

Episode the Third: The Smoothie
My head was hurting and I needed something all cool and refreshing. I went downstairs, spoke to my sister, and made myself a smoothie with hot cocoa mix, coffee, chocolate peanut butter, and mocha almond ice cream. After it was done, I poured it into a mug I painted once and stuck a straw in it. But something felt funny on my tongue. It wasn’t quite the same feel as an undissolved ice cube, but it wasn’t anything else. So I spit it out.
It was part of the plastic spoon I had clearly forgotten to remove before turning the blender on.
At that point, I just made myself a plain coffee in a glass cup.

QOTD: The Happy Sneaker Edition

We Thought His Sneakers Were 80's...
"More like early nineties!"

Monday, November 21, 2005

I Can't Wait for Israel...Babies!

Is it so terrible that after looking at some pictures of my cousin's son and daughter (they're 5 months and 2, one each) I admitted that I'm looking forward to seeing them more than touring when in Israel?

People Search the Randomest Things

Can I do the "interesting searchs that brought people to my site" post now? Please?

Okay, great!

Recent most random searchs ever (some were from Google, others were Yahoo or MSN...also, some are from image searchs and others are plain searchs):
6. doni's escorts (I've actually gotten that one a couple of times!)
5. kids wearing sneakers with no socks
4. sockless sneakers shopping
3. nicknames describing something that mean a lot
2. Jewish superhero
1. tv theme songs "doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo"

Of course the most popular search I see is "cinnamon rugelach," but that's a boring one. :)

*Also, number one of there...the answer's "The theme song for Doug" :)

A Date?

There I was in the kitchen preparing myself a Hot Shake (or Peanut Fudge Milk Blend Swazoo) when my mother mentions to me that someone wanted to set me up with someone else and that someone else said he knew of me because he knew of my blog. Which, I'm not sure. But one of them. Is this the first time this has happened? Nopes.

See, one time, a very, very long time ago, my mother told me that someone wanted to set me up with someone else and that someone else said, "oh, I googled her name and don't agree with her views on Israel. So no." (That was a summarization of what was said to me with about three people between him and me so I could be misquoting. :))
Um. Okay.
And because I would prefer if people don't judge my "views on Israel" until they discuss them with me, I will refrain from judging his action (particularly because I heard it through other people). But, y'know...

Anyway, fast forward to right now. I'm sitting on the floor of my room, computer on my lappish (can I use lappish for half lap? How else does one refer to the thigh when the knees are up so that your legs form an A without the little line in the middle?), drink to my right, and writing. What have I to write? A little letter. Here goes...

Dear Potential Dates,

If you're reading this, I will assume you can read. There, we're off to a good start. See how simple this is?

Hrm...I can't really think of anything to say, so I'll just stop there. Oh no, wait...
Actually, here's something important: it makes my mother a little nervous that you guys can read my blogs and such. Perhaps it's because she doesn't really go for the things I write. Perhaps it makes her uneasy because she doesn't know what you think of what I write. So let's make a deal, if you read this, leave a message. By the way, that goes for all of you who Google my name and find my blog that way, too. I know who you are person in California and person in Chicago! Well, okay that's a lie...I don't know who you are. But I know that you Googled my name because you clicked onto my blog and I have something very glorious called, dum da dum, a sitemeter!
Well, have a good day,
Okay, I think that's all I have to say for the moment. But maybe one day I'll make an addendum...write about my preferred kind of first date and such. Until then, I'll just keep the personal things to myself. :)

Friday, November 18, 2005

And So Many Months More

Chapped lips and fingers that get so thin my rings fall off are just a couple of things I love about winter.

Vivent longtemps la hiver! (I so got the syntax wrong.)

And have a Shabbat Shalom!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

QOTD: Biblical Edition

Well, There are These Three Patriarchs...:)
"Abraham? Which Abraham?"

On Away Messages and Their Usefulness

I have approximately 87,093,442,780 screennames. Of them, I'm generally online on four at a time. People have asked me, "Why do you have so many screennames?" Some adding, "You're very weird." And I tell them, "I do it for the people. Why should I deprive you the opportunity of deciding which screenname of mine to chat on? It's for democratic purposes."

But that's a lie.

That's a big lie.

I actually use that many screennames because then I can put up even more away messages. What's the big deal about away messages, anyway? Allow me to tell.

I don't keep either a diary or journal. However, I can go back into my away message archive and look over away messages of yore that show me pieces of what was going on in my life way back, well, yore. Which is also why I liked my Quote of the Days...they defined my stages. But now QOTD is out of control and I don't know how I feel about it. But anyway, moving along.

Here are a few very old away messages and why they're important to me now.

If I didn't have this away message, I probably wouldn't remember how much fun we had on our 11th grade Shabbaton* in Lakewood when we heard the street name "Squankem." I probably wouldn't remember how much fun I used to have making e-mail addresses, screennames, and (now) blog names for friends:
I go and make my friend a perfectly legitimate email address and what do i [sic] get as a thanks? 'it's funny, but too crazy for me as an email.' the nerve of Brooklyn people! They're so conservative! Where's their creativity and gall? damn them... [so feel free to fwd your junkmail to]
When Brownsville Girl died:
I regret to inform you of the passing on of the greatest pet I ever had:
Brownsville Girl
June 2003-January 2005
This next one is pretty funny. I had to censor it because, well, it's still true!
When I visited Riqi at Sternberg, I stepped into my bunkhouse from Juniors. I went to the bed that had been mine and checked the board above it to see if what I wrote there the summer I was 12 was still there, and sure enough it said 'Dina loves _____.'
I have even more crushes than screennames because unlike screennames that can be retired, I tend to get a crush on a guy and then...have the crush for forever (see above). Which is why aways like this next one help remind me that I've always been like this:
Miryam said that we're eighteen, I'm allowed to have a crush. And considering that this time the guy's neither engaged nor seeing someone, I'd say I've matured a bit.
Aaah yes, that psychic stalker that time:
To those who made fun of me when I said the psychic who stalked me's prediction would come true within two months beware. Today I got a fortune cookie that said "two important decisions shall be made by you soon." Now, be honest with me, is that what fortune cookies say nowadays? noooooooo they say things like "one of your greatest assets is your inner beauty." or "Happiness can be found inside." and stupid crapanola like that, they never actually give fortunes anymore. Think about it -- what are the chances that someone actually geeeets a fortune in the cookies and that it matches a reading from a psychic, just not as detailedy. Just think about it...
Prof! We called him Prof! (Update: I've never seen him at Hunter.):
My French teacher could not do math: I found an old test and on top was a 48 - crossed out, 51 - crossed out, 50 - crossed out, and then a plain 51. Right, so I may not know French, but he's a teacher! He should know stuff...omg, I just realized that he is the French professor at Hunter. Not that I'll be taking French or anything, but if I see him in the halls? freaky. But I guess I can rely on his not recognizing me, I have changed quite a bit since 10th grade...
Evidence that I've always loved QOTD's:
On Harry Potter
"but what does it really have, like 872 pages?"
"um, actually, i think it's like 871."
"what??? i just gave that number off the top of my head -- i made it up. whoa, go check."
"k, i'm, there're 870..."
"how did I know that?"
"i must say, you're like a malach."
Evidence that I've always asked the people around me what to eat:
pea soup or smoothie?
Um...more evidence...that I always get freebies at coffee shops!
Today I experienced one of the perks of being a woman. I went to Starbuck's on my way to the bus and I ordered a tall skim latte. When the guy was making it, I asked if he could just pour it into a bigger cup 'cause I was taking it onto a bus. Instead he just gave me a bigger cup, asked if I wanted an extra shot of espresso, and then gave it to me with a "here you go, sweetheart."
Look, I've always had this same sense of humor!
"'Dear Mr. Earl, my father is an earl and you're an Earl; I'm an Orlando and you live in Orlando — let's go into business.' They were very posh, very stylized, with a beautiful signature and calligraphy, and they went right into the bin." - Mr. Earl, founder of Hard Rock Cafe, on the letters he recieved from Orlando Sandwich
This next is special for Nedenah who made fun of me for liking The One (still one of the best love songs ever):
"In the instant that you love someone, in the second that the hammer hits, reality runs up your spine and the pieces finally fit. And all I ever needed was the one... Like freedom fields where wild horses run, when stars collide like you and I, no shadows block the sun. You're all I've ever needed -- Baby you're the one."
Possibly my favorite old away:
What the critics have to say about: "The Tush Dina Got At the Gym"[starring: Dina's Derrier, director: Crosstrainer, screenwriter: Gd]
"whoa, it's almost as big as mine!"-Riqi for Tuch-ass Maven
"oh my Gd, you were serious. I see it!"-Chaya for Rotund Rears
"*****"-a guy for Guys Who Like Big Butts and Cannot Lie
"You finally joined the ranks as a girl from our school"-Miryam for Other Girls With No Tushes
"who else has friends who flash strangers at the gym?"
More QOTD's:
"...of course, he phrased it so much better, I just can't think of it now."
"Well of course he phrased it better - he's a writer."
"Um, doll, so am I."
[clears throat] "Right. But he wrote a book, you wrote one essay this year - and it was b/c it was for the AP."
"I wrote a book!"
"One page of it!"
"Shut up."
And lastly, evidence that I have ALWAYS been a dork:

I love Yahoo's mail cause whenever I sign in they say "Welcome, Dina!" with a big exclamation mark there and it always makes me so happy.

Okay, so this is a shtickle irrelevant, but I had this saved with my aways... "BEWARE!!! dina bina is slowly taking over the world like pinky-dinky and the brain-shmane. slowly she is infiltrating her language into innocent peoples (like me) everyday talko-balko- and then she moves on to bigger and better things like their dreams and goals. Check out dina's away message for further research." (This was Sara's away once.)

Winterbreak Destination: Israel

Ticket: booked

Place to stay: pretty much confirmed

Actual touring plans: eh

Monday, November 14, 2005

I Love Me Latte

"Can I have a...small decaf skim latte please?"
"That's $3.24"
"You should have a student discount."
"Okay," -.30, "$2.94."

I think I'll try this everywhere I purchase coffee from now on. :)

I Have a Million Brothers

I have two brothers. Or at least I used to think I only had two brothers. But ever since coming to Hunter, I've found that I have far more than just two. There's also Doni, Randy, and Zoric.

Once Doni and I were standing in my kitchen and my mother looked at the two of us, "you look like you could be siblings."
"Mommy," I said, "you're the last person I want to hear that from."
But the bottom line is that we really do look alike.

Randy and I realized that we're siblings when Tova said, "Randy and Dina--you act like you were siblings in a past life!" Which is one of the truest statements I've ever heard.

Then at Thursday night's Chulent party, someone pointed out that Zoric and I look like siblings. So either I look like a boy or I just have that generic Jewish look.


Saturday, November 12, 2005

QOTD: News Edition

Please, Please Don't Take Over the World Just Yet
"I wish Yahoo News would use Wikipedia links."

Friday, November 11, 2005

Dum da Dum...It's Super-Jew!

I was staring at my text book, reading Samuel Johnson's "The Vanity of Human Wishes" in my Age of Satire class when I heard my teacher shout my name. (Yeah, shout, she does that.)

"DINA! What does Judaism say about this?"

"Um." I quickly turned to give Stephanie a look for help, but her seat was empty.

"I'm asking you!" My teacher said.

"I'm just looking for my Jewish consultant," I said and looked to Jason this time. "I'm going to give you a half can I put something together in my brain first and you'll get back to me?"

I waited until she called on someone else to slide under my desk unnoticed and change into my Super Jew costume. Once ready, I emerged and raised my hand. She called on me.

"What Judaism is all about," no, wait...I can't give absolutes in case I'm wrong... "rather, one of the main beliefs in Judaism is that man was created and into him was put a piece of G-d or G-dliness and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

She looked satisfied enough with my response and Stephanie gave me a "well-done" nod.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I'm All Banged Up

I recently changed my blogger profile "about me" from "I knock things over when I walk" to "I once ODed on chulent and it irritated my vagus nerve causing me to have a syncopal episode. In other words, I suffered a spell." And I did this all too soon.

Walking to the gym today, I banged my leftern hand seriously hard against a door or wall on my right. The bruise the bang left is dark, oddly shaped, and like I said, on my leftern hand. How I managed to knock that hand on something to my right is a wonder that were I not left with a bruise, I wouldn't even believe in myself. (No, really. I stared at my hand for a whole ten minutes trying to figure out why the bruise was on that hand and not my rightern one.)

Then I cut my tongue with my water bottle and bled.

And while returning a bar weight to the rack, I put my water bottle down on another machine so that I could free my hands in order to insure my not dropping the weight since I had noticed a pattern of clumsiness already. Of course, while lifting my head, I knocked my forehead straight into the top of the machine. Seriously hard.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Niceo Biceo: A History

"Niceo biceo!"
"Huh?" Randy said.

And that's when I realized niceo biceo was before his time.

"What's niceo biceo?" He said. "Is that a pop culture reference? Is it an o-girl thing like braids & string cheese?"

And that's when I realized that niceo biceo deserves a written history.

When I was in high school, I met someone who said things like, "sicky-sick" and "checkity-check-check." Did I think this was cool? Oh no. No, no, no. I thought it was the dorkiest thing in the world. And that's what made it so funny.

Taking cue from that, I wanted my very own made-up way to speak. And so I came up with the following formula:

Using the word "word" as our example...

+ O
x 2
- the first letter of the second one
+ replacing it with b
wordo bordo
(Of course, it's pronounced werd-o bird-o, but you get the point.)

Anyway, this wayo-bayo of speaking started around the end of 11th grade and only grew in popularity until graduation. There was hardly a girl I knew who didn't catch on. As a matter of fact, Sara once caught herself saying niceo biceo and then exploded that I'm taking over the world one person's speech at a time.

At any rate, I think it's about time I bring niceo-biceo back.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I Love School Sometimes

Well, how cool is this?

I got an A on my Multi-Cultural American Lit. midterm and my teacher (whom I had for another class in the past) wrote, "Not a word wasted. You cover a lot of ground succinctly, cogently, insightfully. As I thought you would!"

Yippee-doo. :)

Then, for the actual class, we read aloud. Someone started and whenever that person decided to stop, they would and anyone else would pick up from there. I have to say, some people can't read. Not that their actual reading skills are that poor, but they can't articulate well or follow the appropriate tone per mood. So then I was thinking, "do these people think they're reading well, like people who can't carry a tune but don't realize because they're tone-deaf anyway?" Was that a terribly mean thought? I think so.

Oh, well.

Anyway, I hope I'm not one of them. :)

QOTD: Fan Edition

And I Knew It All Along
"Yes, your blog is my homepage. I admit it."
-Xian Gaun

QOTD: Buddylist Edition

Don't Discriminate Against My 1,000,000 Screennames!
"When you sign off, it's like... goodbye buddy list"

Monday, November 07, 2005

Really I Have Nothing to Say

What I accomplished tonight:

I have Eugene lined up to write my memoirs. (Well, he offered.)

Memoirs of a Monzee Girl: instant bestseller...NYT list for like 6 months...Booker prize...
"A new controversial but entertaining look at the lives of Orthodox women."- Kirkus Review
"Girin is simply amazing!"-Booklist
"Explosive and breathtaking!"-Time
I made plans with Nukes to exchange some friends.

Nukes: ya know what my problem is? I don't have enough male friends
Me: why do I know no girls?
Nukes: we should trade friends. then I'll get guy friends and you'll get girl friends
Nukes: ok, I'll trade you my friends matt, matt, simeon, yaakov and adam for chaya.
I got a boyfriend.
Ariel: ...and I have a boyfriend :-P
Me: oh! you have a boyfriend...I wanted to introduce you to a friend.
Ariel: do you have a boyfriend? lol
Me: no
Ariel: oh lala, can I be your boyfriend?
Me: can you?
Ariel: yessum
And I refrained from creating a new Facebook group! :)

Sunday, November 06, 2005

QOTD: Deep Thoughts Edition

Deep Thought of the Day
"She wrote: I LOVEEEE BEN SIEGEL!!! Why would somebody stress the silent letter?!"

So...Was It Good Last Night?

My 11 year-old brother personally shoulders the burden of worrying about if I'll ever get married. And he's really cute about it. He's let me know on several occasions that he approves of a particular friend of mine. What he's basing this on, I don't know (especially because if he found out this particular friend doesn't play sports, he'd probably drop it), but he's obsessed with this. Anyway, last night I went to see a movie with this particular friend and my brother knew it.

knock, knock.
"Hi Joshy."
"Dina, I thought I heard weird music?"
"Just listening to music while cleaning my room."
"Okay. Was it good last night?"
"Yes!" Big smile. "The movie was really cute."
"Okay. Wanna help me look for my football?"
"In a minute."
Close the door.
Burst out laughing.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

QOTD: Food Edition

On Meat and Potatoes: Bridging Cultural Divides Everywhere
"Kinda like bread and vodka for working class Russian goyim."

Thursday, November 03, 2005

QOTD: It's All Relative

Let Me Think About that One for a...YES!
"Did anyone ever call you odd..."

Hot Shake

I just created the most amazing drink ever in the universe.

First, I put coffee, a lil sugar, hot cocoa mix, chocolate peanut butter, and vanilla/fudge tracks ice cream + some hot water to dissolve the coffee + some milk into a blender. Then, I poured it all into a mug and sprinkled Saigon cinnamon on top and microwaved it.

I cannot even tell you what it is like to drink something this amazing.

I call it, dum da dum, a Hot Shake.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

In The Middle of the Ni-ight

I know I already posted twice tonight, but those were nothing more than fluff. I present you with the real stuff:

I was trying to sing River of Dreams on my drive into the city the other day. The songs on the radio kept distracting me from the way the tune goes, so I shut it and continued to sing. It was then, in the silence of my car, that I realized no matter how few distractions I have (y'know, because driving isn't much of one), I will always sing off key.

Now, I happen to think this is something very unfair. Everyone should be able to hear a tune and sing it back. We don't all have to have beautiful voices, but why should some of us be deprived of the pleasure of singing because it's more a painful experience than a pleasure? And if I am doomed to sing off key for the rest of my life, why am I also not tone deaf? Seriously--being aware of a lacking you posses is almost as bad as lacking it!

Another task I attempted on that drive in was to see how often I could repeat the same off key lines in the wrong order before getting annoyed with myself. I was forced to repeat the same lines over and over again because just like I couldn't remember the proper order, I couldn't remember the other lines. I found out that I can sing the same few lines over and over a bajillion and a half times without even thinking about when it'd end. The moral of the story is that either I am indefatigable or Billy Joel's lyrics are just that classic.

Stop Making Groups? But How?

I was sitting at one of the computers in the Hillel lounge this morning, when someone called to me from across the room to check out this new Facebook group...Well y'know what?

It's Really Useful for Opening Cans...And Stuff

Miryam sent me a link to a Nicole Richie gallery on People Magazine's website. Now, I have to tell you, I don't really have an opinion of her and I don't really care what she does with her life. What I can't stand, though, is the glorification of her the magazines all have now that she's lost weight. So, dissatisfied with the comments People Magazine wrote alongside the pictures I've chosen to take from them, I am writing my own. Ready? Set? GO!
The Nicole Richie Diet: Gain Years, Not Pounds!
Thought the two were mutually exclusive, didn't you? Well, as tested by Nicole Richie, we can tell you "they are not" with confidence! Just look at the poor the pounds melted away, the years came piling on and on.
The Nicole Richie Way to Make Sure You Never Blush: Foundation!
Lots of it, and in the wrong color. Of course, if you make sure to purchase one in a color just three shades lighter than your own, you won't have to apply so many layers. But still.

If you thought this would be all Nicole, all the time, I'm going to tell you that for this picture, my focus is elsewhere. Lindsay. Lindsay Lohan.
Lindsay Lohan is clearly not anorexic. Every anorexic girl KNOWS the rules about friends. When you hang out with friends for the sake of hanging with friends, they must be fatter than you so that you look thinner. Your thinner friends are to be reserved for hanging outs at home, so that your parents don't pick up on your illy-looking physique. And Lindsay has clearly violated that. LL, take a hint from Paris.

People's caption reads:
Then: Richie didn't say no to junk food, including hot dogs, after a late night of clubbing (in 2003).
Now: The star (in Beverly Hills in July) is strict about her diet: She avoids sweets ("I don't like sugar," Richie says) though she still indulges in her favorite foods – sushi and pizza – occasionally.
My caption would add:
And by "occasionally" we mean "on the occasion that she actually eats something, it'd be pizza or sushi followed by 47 laxatives because 47 is her lucky number...the numerical value of her fiance's Hebrew name." (I just made that up...his name's Adam.)

And now, because I was just being mean, I will say something nice. Nicole in the first picture was in deep trouble with the law for some things plus Heroin posession. In the second, she's at a charity event. Call it PR or not, if you're holding a kid in a picture, I like you.

Okay, and now back to being mean :), here's a Miryam quote, "The way her elbow comes to a complete point is pretty cool. It's really useful for like opening boxes and stuff."

So Then I Bought All This Junk and I Didn't Even Have To!

Calories I purchased today for the sake of getting quarters:
240 cl. Mounds for change of a $10
(-120 cl. Mound shared with Ben)
90 cl. FrozFruit for change of a $5
200 cl. ice cream bar for change of a $5

See now, for some reason, parking regulations were not in effect today and I couldn't find a spot anywhere. Luckily, the meter spot I took was directly in front of the doors to Thomas Hunter, so I didn't have to walk far once an hour (although that might not have been such a bad idea since I kept eating to get quarters). The only thing is, I hate futility. And what was today? Completely pointless. I waited around in the city all day at school because I had my meter obligations and my 7 o'clock class professor was a no-show. Truth be told, I'm a little worried about her because there wasn't even a note saying she wouldn't be in which is very unlike her. But the point of this post is that I have a headache and need sleep and I could have been home by 1:30 this afternoon. Yes, I just kvetched.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I Can Write Like a Seventh Grader!

I've come to the conclusion that I'd write pretty cool young adult books. Not just because when I try writing seriously, nothing serious comes out on paper, but because I write in a sing-songy way. For example:
Maribel Lewis owned three fish, two iguanas, and a tarantula. Their names, in respective order, were Cookie, Dough, Ice Cream, Rocky, Bullwinkle, and Sammy. She inherited Sammy when her older brother got married, which is why his name didn’t fit with the others. Maribel's older brother wasn't a very good pet namer. Unfortunately for Maribel, who was, her brother wouldn't hear of her changing the pet's name. Not even to Charlotte, the best spider she thought there ever was.
What, pray tell, is that? I'm not quite sure...but I'll make something of it. I promise, I will. Actually, I don't have much of a choice because my 10-15 page story is due tomorrow at 11am.
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