Monday, February 27, 2006

Every Step You Take, Every Move You Make

I didn't have time to finish reading and critiquing all the essays I needed to do for my 5:35 essay workshop class during Berger’s class. So, the first thing I did when I got to my essay class was thank Gd that my professor wasn’t there yet. The second thing I did was take out the essays I didn’t get to finish.
Near the end of one girl’s essay, she mentions this crazy lady in Godzilla slippers on the 6 train preaching to all on the train from the bible. Rather, from her paraphrased version of the bible (and the Lrd said unto Abraham, “the white man will bring you down” etc.). Annoyed, the writer looked around the train and noticed a chubby white guy who looked about 18 wearing a yarmulke with two Ninja Turtles on it rolling his eyes.
“Ariel!” I called across the room, “this is my friend you wrote about!”
“The guy with the Ninja Turtles yarmulke! It’s my friend! And he’s 22! And I was with him when he bought it! Oh, I have to tell him! Did you know he goes to Hunter!”
“Actually, I saw him in the elevator earlier today and was a little weirded out. So then I told him that he’s in my essay and he said, ‘’ and ran away.”
I didn't want to tell her, but knowing Randy, it was probably an "eh, uh."

Sunday, February 26, 2006

It was After a Long Shabbat of Being Stuck in the House

We were sitting at the last stop before going onto the highway a full five minutes before I leaned over to ask the driver how much longer we’d be there.
“Why? You wanna go shopping?”
“Um, no. I have to meet someone at a certain time in the city.”
“And do you think we’ll get there in time?”
“I should hope so; it is your job.”
“Well, we’ll see.”
“Why are we waiting here?”
“We’re waiting for people from another bus to come onto ours.”
I sat back in my seat and the girl next to me looked at me in shock.
“I can’t believe that for $9 he gave you attitude.”
I didn’t bother telling her that since I was only going to the city and I had a ticket, it was $6.50. I also didn’t tell her that it's no phenomenon to be treated that way by bus drivers for this company. I just nodded, put on my earphones, and reminded myself why I started driving to school.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Alice Waters Rocks

"...when a healthy lunch is a part of a class that all children have to take, for credit — and when they can follow food from the garden to the kitchen to the table, doing much of the work themselves — something amazing happens. The students want to taste everything. They get lured in by foods that are beautiful, that taste and smell good, that appeal to their senses. When children grow and prepare good, healthy food themselves, they want to eat it, and, what's more, they like this way of learning."
Amen, sister.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

So We Shared It with the Class

I looked over into the Tanach and told Nukes that I thought perhaps the water was referring to the wisdom of Torah. He peeked into the open sefer, too, and I started explaining why it makes sense and how I think that might be the right answer to explain the issue.
“Would you like to share that with the class?” Rabbi Berger said.
We looked up and across the classroom to where he was sitting in the front. We were doomed.
“Ah,” Nukes started, “she was just saying that the water could be…”
“Stop!” I whispered.
“Um…that the water could be the Torah, so it’s like the wisdom of the Torah here.”
“Oh, sorry.” Rabbi Berger said. Feeling the need to explain to the class why he had picked on us, he went on. “Last semester you sat in the back with that whole group of you who'd always talk and that two who got married. …And they got married.”
Cue: laughter.
I can’t remember what he said to save himself and apologize to us for suggesting to the class that we’ll get married, but it only made it seem more like he was suggesting we get married. At least RFG wasn't there.

I Layered

I ended my weekend with a little hiking at this place not so far away from where I live because there are waterfalls there. I've been there a few times before, but this was the only time I actually went the whole way and completed the trail instead of stopping at the waterfalls for lunch and then turning back.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Clearly, I'm Not a Bodeist

I will officially admit that the first time I saw this ad, I'ed "bode." Bode means bide and bide means little more than to wait. Needless to say, I didn't get it. I left it alone anyway, figuring that like many other multi-million dollar companies, Nike was just in need of a copy editor and/or I just didn't get it. But after being present for the discussion my mother and brother had about the Olympics over Shabbat, I get it. I finally get it. And y'know what? I still think it's a pretty stupid ad.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Score One for the Monsey Girl

Yay! Forget Andy Samberg's Lazy Sunday and that response one from the West Coast by that other Jewish guy, because now we have the final one from...dum da dum...MUNCIE, INDIANA! True, I'm not from Indiana. I'm not even from the Midwest. But for those of us who do live in small towns (and those of us who do live in small towns named after the same tribe of Indians as Muncie, Indiana :)), this one has got to be the best. That's right, we take up as many spots as we like when parking and know that one road where everything in the entire town is located well enough not to use Google Maps and such. I won't ruin it anymore, but kudos to the guys who put it together.

Anyway, Shabbat Shalom!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

So, You Think You Can Tell Heaven from Hell?

I've always been taught that every personality trait has the potential to be used for good or bad. I also always thought that was an easy excuse people could use to give mussar to others. But today, I did it. Today, I "actualized the potential" (direct quote from The Reb) of something in a way to benefit myself and others.
Frustrated about a few things, uneasy about something else, and armed with the irritability level of a thirteen year-old girl, I took my attitude this afternoon and kicked some snowy butt. That's right, that oversized patch of thick ice in front of the garage that was preventing me from pulling in and forcing the other cars in the driveway to readjust the parking equilibrium for the past week? I pounded it with a shovel and put it in its place (scattered across the lawn). It took me about thirty minutes to complete the job, but (a) it was awesome to beat the death out of something, (b) I feel a lot calmer now, and (c) the driveway is mostly ice-free! When you're finished applauding my valiant behavior, I'd like you to call to thank me for the soup I made you and thoughtfully left in the Hillel fridge so that you could have lunch and for the other you to call and apologize for lying to me. You know who you are. And as for the rest of you, have a great day!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Or Maybe I Just Hate Being Told What To Do

An essay due today and I still can't decide on a direction I like. My teacher gave us a topic. "Write about a neighborhood," she said. I cringed. You can't just hand out topics, I thought, that's completely unfair! And to boost, she gave us one of the most cliched topics of all. Here I am, still trying to figure out what my style is, and I have to tackle one of the big topics. Having to write about neighborhoods is like a new, unknown band covering Hotel California. You know that no matter how well they practice and how much effort they put into it, they just won't be able to do it because the original is so awesome. I did however recently discover Susan Tedeschi's cover of Don't Think Twice, It's All Right. She doesn't do the song right in the Dylan way, but as a stand alone song, her version rocks. Plus, it's one of my favorite Dylan songs, so she'd good in my books. Okay, neighborhoods. I'm on to start my third essay on the topic in hopes that this time, I manage to pull something that will be enjoyable to any reader together.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I (don't heart) Hearts

I was thinking about Valentine's Day and how some people I know like to get all romanticy and expect chocolates and dinners and how others just call me complaining that they want a boyfriend (surprise! I do have female friends) and it made me think that maybe, just this once, I should put an effort into this love thing and try to come up with something romantic to say. Unfortunately, the best I came up with was "You put the roses in rhinoceroses!" I will add that I was pretty excited when I discovered that the plural of rhinoceros has the word roses in it...but then, I'm pretty easily entertained. So, if you're into the whole Valentine's Day silliness (sorry, it's just not my thing), enjoy the day. If you're not, there are tons of alternatives including a V-Day Massacre. What ever it is you end up spending your day doing, have some fun!

Monday, February 13, 2006

And Then There Was Snow

Thursday night (in the kitchen):
Mother: You know that shabbaton you have this weekend?
Me: Yeah...
Mother: You're not going.
Me: I made a commitment so unless it's cancelled, I'll be there.
Mother: Well, then you'll be stuck there until Monday.
Me: Ma, there's no way it's going to snow as much as everyone's predicting.

Friday night (in the hostess's den, munching on cake and nuts with the other advisors):
Me: Who thinks it'll snow a little and then stop and everyone will realize that it was nothing?
All hands were raised in agreement.

Saturday afternoon: it starts snowing.
Saturday night: the snow speeds up into a storm while I'm driving my (about) 80 mile drive home.
Sunday afternoon: it finally stops snowing...after two feet!

I'd just go ahead and say, "well, I'm no psychic!" but it's worse than that; I didn't believe my mother. And, of course, mothers are always right.

Have a great Tu B'Shvat!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Shabbat Shalom

You have a great Shabbos. The End.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Is There Anything In My Teeth?

I had braces when I was younger. Webbings of metal restricting my teeth and pulling them forward, sometimes pushing them back. The orthodontist’s name was Dr. T and his office was in the basement of his house--lined with cheap wood panels and filled with piles of old Reader’s Digests and Highlights. Every time I went to visit him, once a month or so, I’d get rubber-bands of different colors. Blue and white around Chanukah. Navy and gray when the Yankees were in the World Series. Purple to match the gown I was wearing to my cousin’s wedding. There was a song that played whenever I was waiting in the lobby. I can’t remember the name, but I believe it’s from Top Gun. It gave me the heebie-jeebies every single time it was on and I was convinced that I was allergic to it.
One of the secretaries in Dr. T’s office was a fifth grade English teacher at my school. When we had 4:15 appointments, she’d give us a ride in her leather seat Lexus to the orthodontist. (We as in me and my sister and whoever else had allowed their parents to convince them that braces was a good idea.) I hated how every time I opened my mouth to speak or eat, shiny rays of light emanated from my mouth and shimmered blindingly upon all who gave me attention. Because, of course, at that age I thought everyone was as conscious of me as I was of myself. I also hated the way I couldn’t eat without gathering into my braces bits and pieces of my meal to hold away until later in the day when I’d find myself hungry. As a matter of fact, I’m still traumatized that I carry food around with me between my teeth, so the next time I ask you if there’s food in my teeth, feel my pain and understand.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I Went to a Super Bowl Party

I knew the Steelers would win.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Shabbat Shalom

Have a peaceful Shabbat full of physical rest and spiritual growth. As for me, I'll spend mine scratching hives.
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