I Would Have Reprimanded It, But Miryam was Laughing at Me Too Hard

I got out of my friend's car yesterday in the mall parking lot and walked around the front of the car to meet her. The walk, which should have gone smoothly as it takes only five seconds to walk around the front of her car, did not go seemlessly at all. At approximately the halfway mark, I banged the left side of my leftern knee rather hard against the car's license plate.

The bruise is the shape of a corner and is still visible this morning. Not only do I knock things over when I walk, but I tend to get attacked by inanimate objects. Imagine that.

QOTD: We're All Really Bored Edition

There Were 3/5 On At The Time...
"Actually I was just creating a buddy list group just called Dina."
-Ben

Remarking On Rosa Parks's Death
"I wish Jews couldn't sit on the front of busses so I could do something like that...people just don't hate as much as they used to."
-Steve

I Had Such a Strange Dream...MANGO!

I had one of the longest and most bizarre dreams I've ever had last night. I thought, in honor or Nedenah's new blog, I'd post it. But I can't post every part because it'd be disrespectful to a couple of people. So here I present Parts the First, the Third, and the Fourth of my five part dream.

Part the First:
My friend Julie was going to propose to me, but she was going to do it with my great-grandmother's ring. I didn't want her to propose because I knew I'd feel bad saying "no" or "I need some time to think about it," but I didn't want to say "yes" just then. I didn't want to say yes, because really I wanted to marry a man so that I could have a baby. I was talking to Randy and I told him that. So then I was holding onto the ring and hiding it so that she couldn't propose with it. I was hiding it in my clenched palm.

Part the third:
I was walking in this field that doesn't exist alongside route 59 but has existed in other dreams I've had and I thought I saw a castle through the gate, so I jumped onto the gate to see it. After studying it for about 5-10 minutes, I realized it was just the back of Victoria Gardens, so I continued on my way.

Part the fourth:
I was on a tour in Israel and the tour guide was Leonard Nimoy, but he spoke like William Shatner and was saying random things. For example, someone would ask "so, when was this monument built?" and his response would be, "I want to go to sleep. MANGO!" He kept shouting fruits and jumping around. Then I was looking at a newspaper on a wallish thing and he came over and put his finger on the Pisces horoscope and said, "oh, that'll be you. ORANGE!" (I actually forgot the fruit, but it was something) and I said, "How did you know I'm a pisces?" and he got this stricken look on his face like he went into shock and he was shocked that he knew that.

THE END!

QOTD: Jewish Wedding Edition

The Justification of Coming to Just a Chuppah
"You come...there's food...you do a little Jewish thing. It's like a Hillel event."
-Miryam


*+*+*+*+*
A Chuppah is the marrying ceremony part of a Jewish wedding.
Hillel is the center for Jewish Life on Campus.

QOTD: Erev Shabbos Edition

Next Time It'll Be Kugel
"Wow...You ODed on chulent."
-Eliana

Pass the Smelling Salts, Please

Remember when President Bush fainted from a pretzel? I did the same thing last night from chulent! Not that this is something to boast about, but just...y'know.

It was actually a little freaky, since I'm not a fainter, but I'm over it now. Now I'm just all that much cooler because I can say, "I suffered a spell."

Shabbat shalom, everyone!

UPDATE: So I just realized that unless you know what happened, this makes no sense. Here's what happened: I was in the Hillel room for about 10 minutes, there were a million point five people and then someone said, "let's have chulent." So I went over to the chulent pot and I only wanted a sweet potato, but Ben scooped some into a cup and I was going to share with him, so he could have the beans that came along with the potato. Then I took some and it was yummy and then I took a little more, but there was too much on the spoon and I blew on it and then I ate it and it was too hot, so I felt it going down (y'know that feeling?) and then I clenched my stomach cause it was burning and Ben said, "are you okay?" and I said, "no, no" and then apparently, I collapsed and my legs were shaking and then Ben picked me up onto a chair and my head was shaking, but my eyes were open and I was staring at him blankly and then I fell off the chair again onto the floor and when they were helping me up, I woke out of it and they walked me to the door and out of the room. And then I ate cookies and drank a lot of water. My friend diagnosed me: When you swallow something too large it sometimes presses against the vagus nerve which can sometimes cause fainting. And that's that!

That was my Simchat Torah

Rosh HaShana: Come and gone.
Yom Kippur: Come and gone.
Sukkot: Come and gone.
Simchat Torah: Come and gone.
Mar Cheshvan? On the way.

Should I cry now or wait until the middle of Cheshvan?

I spent Simchat Torah at my friend Chaya in Brooklyn. Chaya and I were sisters in high school because for some reason the exact same things would happen to us at the exact same time or at exactly opposite times. Um...yeah. So anyway, it was a lot of fun staying over at her house. Even though her mother tries stuffing me with food because she thinks I'm anorexic. And even though her family discusses my vegetarianism at every meal. And even though Chaya always makes me do my own linen (this time I made her sheet my blanket).

Simchat Torah night we walked to our friend Shayna's shul, since we were eating at Shayna's house. We (Shayna, Chaya, Michal (who walked over too), and I) were going to walk to their friends around the corner after the meal. My hair, however, decided that it had had enough and would look disgusting even though I didn't want it to. Shayna willingly lent me a clip to put my hair up with and up it went. After coming back to the (dessert laden) table, Shayna complimented me on my neck. I cannot be more honest than I am about to be by saying this: I nearly went into shock.

I happen to have an abnormally long neck. It's pretty strange in pictures when I come out looking like I'm shoving my face into the camera. Also, I once did back-to-back with my 5'2 cousin and our shoulders lined up perfectly...which would put my extra 3 inches of height into my neck. But I never think people notice it because it's just one of those things that people don't notice. But alas, Shayna did. Shayna might be far from a tall, hairy, dark-haired, smart Jewish guy (sigh...), but a compliment is a compliment and I'd take one any day on anything!

Then on Simchat Torah morning, Chaya and I were talking about how impatient we get with indecisive people and how similar we are that we are both very bossy and tend toward being attracted to guys who are even bossier when Chaya, in all her quotable genius, said, "I need someone to tell me where and when we're meeting so that I can say, 'yes, master.'" Yes, yes indeed. :)

After our meal with both Chaya's married siblings + families over, we made a little contest called "let's see who can stay awake longer reading boring material for school." We ended up cancelling the contest because at about 5ish Nukes and Ben walked over. I think Chaya's mother will make Ben come in my place from now on because he kept eating and she is the most Jewishy Jewish mother ever.

And Ben gave me a little stuffed Torah doll!

The end.


*+*+*+*+*
Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah are all Jewish holidays.
Mar Cheshvan: The Jewish month (we use a lunar calendar) of Cheshvan is the only Jewish month without a single holiday, so it's referred to as "mar Cheshvan" because mar means bitter in Hebrew.

He Has a Serious Problem

Well, well, well...what an interesting comic there is on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal today... Baruch HaShem, I can't at all relate!

Heroes in a Half Shell--Turtle Power!

Recently (yesterday), I found myself thinking about Splinter. Do you realize just how cool he was? I mean, think about it. Not only did he never get proper credit for having trained some of the greatest heroes we've ever had here in New York City, he put up with all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's shenanigans and still maintained a calm, very demure appearance.

Splinter's amazing.

Another thing I was thinking about recently (okay, just now when I looked this up), is how strange the Ninja Turtles' theme song was. It sounds like a camp cheer in that they're constantly trying to prove their coolness. Personally, I think the Ninja Turtles were serious coolness. They didn't need to convince me. But just look at this: They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!). What? If you're the world's most fearsome fighting team (which the Ninja Turtles were, mind you) you don't have to convince me that you're hip. I would either figure it or not really care. The line after that one is: Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!). Yes. He clearly is a "radical rat." How, you wonder, do I know? Because he's trained the most fearsome fighting team in the world! That's right--in the world!

And also, nowerdays, I most sympathize with April O'Neil because she was the only female in a group of friends and it just happens to be that I hang out with more guys than girls. But when I was younger, Irma was always my concern. Remember Irma? Thought so. She was April's sidekick with non-descript features. Wikipedia describes her as "A Channel 6 TV associate and April's best friend. Irma is interested in men. Voiced by Jennifer Darling." Irma is interested in men? I'm not sure if this is meant to reassure us that she is, or to fill up space.

Yeah, and also (then I promise I'll stop), once my family went to family friends for a Shabbos when I was very, very, very young. I think I was about 4 or 5. The boy who was a year older than I was and I got along very well. On Friday afternoon, while playing, he gave me two action figures that were foot soldiers from the Ninja Turtles. I thought we were going to get married. Then, a number of weeks later, my mother threw them out because the feet were chewed up and I'm pretty sure I haven't seen him since.

Turtle power!

QOTD: Saturday Night Edition

And Now--dum da dum--The Truth...
"I'm a metrosexual without the fashion sense."
-Randy

Wow--He Even Got the Spelling Right
"Have a good sleep, Dina Pirutiziaksixdkfjsdiuesoei."
-JNJ

Orange and Green? What is this?

I forgot most of my html. Anyone wanna help me fix up the site? And maybe Punks, too. But at least that one doesn't turn into an eye-sore when I try working on it!

What is it with this orange? I tried to make the site the colors in the banner and it turns freakish on me. I just don't understand...

Shabbat Shalom

Have a shabbat shalom everyone!

...have...no...time...

Ben's Good

I'm not gonna lie.

Ben's a really good photographer!

When I was a Tiny Pipsqueak...

At some point during our meal last night, my father started recounting memories. Only, we already know all his stories. So we did a little switch. We each told our own memories. Of course, it doesn't really matter that the kids in my family are 23, 20, 17, and 11...we had lots.

One story my mother told about my brother Ari goes like this:
Ari was very sensitive to noise when he was younger. One time when my mother was vacuuming, he got nervous and hid in the bathtub. Well, my mother finished vacuuming and couldn't find her son anywhere. After searching all over in our not so big cause we didn't move to the suburbs yet house, she found him standing in the tub still in sneakers holding his ears closed with the curtain pulled closed.
It's funny she said that story, because when I was in fourth grade or so I wrote that as my earliest memory. Funny how confusing memories get when they're not your own.

Then, interestingly enough, my sister told this story:
Once upon a time when she was very young, she got a haircut she absolutely hated more than anything. Very upset about it, she started venting as soon as she got into the car.
"I hate my haircut, it's so ugly. She said it would look different and she lied. She lied because she's a goy--all goys lie*."
"No," my mother started to say, "that's not true--not all goys lie."
And then the little squeaky voice sitting in the carseat (that's me) said, "only birds lie."

And so you see that I have actually had a hearing problem since I was a tiny pipsqueak. :)

There, Aaron, stories. :)


*Yes, a proper response was given...I just ended the story before that part. :)

QOTD: E-mail Edition

Well, I Got a New E-mail Address
"What is it iceddoublemochelatte?"
-Zvi

Sukkot is Here!

Well, this is me saying have a chag sameach and if you're not Jewish, have a wonderful two days.

:)

I'm off to go freeze in my sukkah!

I Love the Golan Heights

I almost almost booked a ticket to Israel today. But alas, I did not. I will soon, though. It just didn't make sense to book it this early when the flights are still very empty. Anyway, I'm writing this because you cannot understand my excitement at the prospect of returning to Israel unless I start preparing you now.
You will be hearing about it again when I book the ticket. You will probably be hearing about it more when I'm making all my plans. And you will DEFINITELY hear about it when I'm back. So, for now the plan is to go at the end of December (after my friends' wedding) and to return at the end of January (like a day before spring semester begins).
And that is all. So far.
Here're a few poorly scanned pictures from my last trip to Israel!

The Old City:

The Golan Heights:

My friend Chaya and I with one of our Golan tour guides (Eidan) in the Golan:

Did I ever mention how much I love the Golan Heights and how much more I'd love to live there?

QOTD: Deep Thoughts Edition

But Then She'll Sound Like My 7th Grade Math Teacher
"I hope Gwenyth Paltrow calls her next kid Orange, so she'll have the ability to say 'don't compare apples to oranges.'"
-Lenny

Lowell Has Got to Stop

This is an online petition to protest Randy's use of the expression "lowell" in online conversations to express extreme amusement. All who will not tolerate his blatant misuse of online privileges (talking to me and others) please sign below.

The general public and I thank you.

QOTD: Saturday Night Edition

Just Cause Randy and I Bicker Doesn't Mean...
"Are you guys sure you weren't siblings in a different life?"
-Tova

QOTD: Shabbos Afternoon Edition

Sage Advice from an Older Brother (to the younger one)
"It's not a good idea to chew in someone's ear, because then they'll hit you."
-Ari

QOTD: Friday Afternoon Edition

This is Your Brain on Comics
"I was thinking of getting a robotic heart."
-Mark

After Shul

Before Rosh HaShana, a friend said, "tell me a trait of mine you think I should work on." So, of course, I made her tell me one of mine. So she said, "well, you're a bit of a perfectionist." And I silently added, "to the point where I won't do something because if it's not perfect, it's not worth showing."
Well, while walking home from shul last night, I was thinking a poem. I wrote it down tonight and it's not that great. But I thought it might be a healthy exercise to do something I'd never do--like post a silly poem that I kinda take more seriously than I should. So there. Here it is. And that's that.

The streetlights shine golden on the wet, dark streets
and me and my mother
we stroll home from Shul on this Yom Kippur night
both freezing

left

right

left

right

and the streetlights shine golden on the wet, dark streets
and the misty rain feels cold on my face

I think about the davening I’m coming home from
and I think about the rain that
hasn’t stopped since last Friday

left

right

left

and the streetlights shine golden on the wet, dark streets
and me and my mother
we try not to slip
on the wet,
dark
streets
as we stroll home from shul
on this Yom Kippur night

left

right

and the streetlights shine golden on the wet, dark streets
and my shoulders hurt from hunching them
to keep the hood in place
of my camel-hair coat
that’s getting soaked in the misty rain
that’s hitting my face
and wetting the streets
that haven’t been dry
since before last Friday
but that’s okay, because under the streetlights,
on this cold,
terribly cold,
Yom Kippur night,
they look golden.

left

And how many times
have I walked down this street?
and how many times
have I walked down this street
on a Yom Kippur night
when it was freezing
or raining
without minding it?
because on Yom Kippur night
there’s a feeling you feel
that I’d try to describe,
but I can’t.


so instead
I’ll just tell you
that the streetlights shone golden on the wet, dark streets
and my mind took that in.


***
Shul: synagogue
davening: prayer
(a little contextual note: we were walking in the rain because we can't drive on the Sabbath and Yom Kippur is The Sabbath of Sabbaths.)

QOTD: Chat Room Edition

But Of Course a Chat Room Called "Bored and Jewish" Will Get Political
"I start a room and this is what happens...we got the worldwide Jewish conspiracy in here."
-Lenny

You Must Know Eveyone's A/S/L Already
"I really wish we could order a pizza for a chatroom."
-Randy

It's Erev Yom Kippur and This is My Message

Just writing to wish everyone a g'mar chasimah tovah* and an easy and meaningful fast, of course!

*This is a link to the most ghetto Dorkinsky Production you will ever see. But I can't be blamed, I had no time to give it--I'm too busy eating. :)


--
Glossary of Hebrew terms:
Erev: eve
Yom Kippur: Day of Atonement :)
G'mar chasimah tovah: may your name be sealed in the Book of Life

Why I Love School

Occasionally, something happens in class that reminds you of why you're still okay with being in college. There are times when you get a paper back that you put not nearly enough into to deserve the grade you got. There are times when without any preparation you ace a class discussion. There are times when you are asked an essay question on an exam on just the topic you studied. And then miracles like the one that happened today happen.

Arriving a little late (thanks Sir Nukes the Not Gentleman for not giving me your spot in the elevator) for The Age of Satire, I took a seat at the front of the room and opened Gay's "The Beggar's Opera" for the first time. The fact that I hadn't ever read the play before was fine because my teacher's always off on one tangent or another so that it's easy to participate without having an prior knowledge of the text we're supposedly studying. So I participated. A lot. I did well.

Class nearly over, my teacher decided to hand back the midterms she had piled on her desk. The midterm I was barely prepared for. The midterm I wrote the dumbest essay I've ever written for. The midterm I surely failed.

Taking my blue booklet from my professor's hand, I noticed a big red-ink A with a circle around it. As if she had anticipated my disbelief, my teacher accompanied it with a, "Thanks for the truly excellent work, Dina! Please see my remarks inside."

My exhilaration was uncontainable and I couldn't help but smile before even leaving class. And for this I'm still okay with being in college.

I'm a Meanie Sometimes

I've become pretty mean as of late. I'm not sure if this is the reason, but I have a feeling that it's because I started using "names." Names like "stupidhead" and "idiot." Sounds a little silly, I know, but it's true.

There are three levels to existence:
1. machshava: thought
2. debor: speech
3. maaseh: action

Allowing myself such ease with disrespecting other people through speech is really too close to disrespecting people with action. So now I will try to stop "calling names."
(Btw, I tried this before, when I thought I was saying Hell and Heck too much, and it worked. So I have faith.)

QOTD: Sunday Night Edition

Upon Reviewing a Letter I Wrote
"Okay, now all you gotta do is de-gayify it."
-Randy

(later adding..."you really know how to inject gayness into a letter, don't you?")

Who Knew the Unabomber Was Also an Anarchist?

First I took a politics quiz answering questions purely ideologically and not practically. Apparently, I'm closer to Theodore Kaczynski than MLK, Jr. or Ronald Regan. (Don't misread the colors. Blue doesn't mean Democrat, it's just the color they used here.) This made me understandably nervous, so I retook the quiz being practical.
And now I know that when Adam Sandler runs against Hilary in '08, I should vote for him. Oooooh yippee!

Quote of the Day: Saturday Night Edition

On What to Tell Shidduchim
"I like ice cream."
-Zahava

My Blogger's Been Invaded By Korean

You'd think that when your computer's turned off, it goes off. You'd think that if your Blogger went Korean, it'd come back to English at some point. You'd think that shutting off your computer from Friday afternoon until Saturday night would surely do it. But alas, I am here to tell you that that is not true. Once your Blogger goes Korean, it won't ever change back. Once your Blogger goes Korean, you can't ever again understand what it's saying in order to figure out how to change it back.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I'm posting this anyway, but I just figured out how to change it!!! Yay! Yay! I changed it back! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Randy Was Overheard

This woulda been QOTD. But I wasn't doing it at the time. So I gave it to Overheardinnewyork about a month ago. Today, I was bored and decided to check up on overheardinnewyork (why is this one of those things you just CAN'T abbreviate? No one calls it "overheard" it's always overheardinnewyork.). And as I'm reading the first one, I'm thinking, "weird, that sounds so familiar....do they have it twice?" and then I read the second line and realized it was something Randy had said a while back! And I submitted it! How crazy? :)

Here's the quote, by the way...the real way it went:

Randy reading names off Hillel cards: "Leibovitz, Phederson, Yushuvayeva--Whatever happened to Ellis Island changing people's names so we can say them?"

Have a good day!

My Comic

Me in a number of years

I really have this ridiculous story from last week, but I think I will spare all of you the story so that you don't have proof that I'm insane. Instead, I will just show you the above comic and title it my way.

Quotes of the Day

In Response to My Correcting His Spelling of "l'shana habah b'Yerushalayim!"
"How about you don't impose your religious autocracy on my soul!"
-Steve

On My Child-Defense Techniques
"Wow, you're kind of violent when it comes to children. 'She's A Nice Quiet O-Girl...WITH A MEAN STREAK.'"
-Michael

Rosh HaShana!

Shana tovah u'mitukah!

Or...

Have a happy, sweet new year!